Another milestone complete. Today marks 3 YEARS since my log in date (LID) for the China program. Hopefully not many more months to go at this point. At least this year, I can see a light at the end of this very long tunnel. It's possible I could still be waiting to see Lia's face this time next year...but not likely. In all likelyhood, I will at least know who and where she is, even if I have not yet traveled to get her. It's possible she could be home by then! It is also likely that she has already been born and is on her universal path to me at this moment. The thought of that is very exciting, but also makes me cry because I so wish I could hold her in my arms right now.
Especially now.
Those who know me personally know what I do for a living. The past couple of days have been very difficult for me - both professionally - and as a waiting adoptive mom. Emotions are understandably high, and being caught in the middle is very hard. I found myself trying to maintain professional composure, yet in tears behind closed doors. I was thankful more than ever this week that I have the opportunity to work remotely from my home office and be removed (at least physically) from the drama and intensity as it happened. From a case study perspective, it was mind-blowing to see how much social networking now plays a part in situations like this. The ability of every person around the world to blog, FB, tweet, and comment on situations as they unfold is incredible...and overwhelming to say the least.
In the meantime, I must hold onto hope. It is easy to get discouraged month after month as I see others receive referrals and travel to their children - some who applied long after me - but just in a different "order". I still believe I have been true to myself on journey. I am still happy with the agency I chose. Since the very beginning, I have followed the path that has made the most sense to me - mentally and spiritually. But I have learned so much over the past three years. When Lia is ready, I will be ready for her. That is a certainty.
3 comments:
Firstly, I'm so sorry that you even have to deal with this situation... As a professional and a PAP it must be hard to separate the two things... It is so disheartening. And unbelievable.
Congrats on 3 yrs??? I know that's hard to hear also... who, but us can congratulate on such a milestone? Each day is one closer, right?
Lia is out there... And she will be present when you least expect it. Happy #3 to you...
XOXO
sometimes reading you, in this part of the journey, i feel like i'm reading into my not so distant past. i remember distinctly a time came when i knew she'd be ready, and when she was, i would be.
i wasn't, though. not entirely as an aside. but it happened as it should have happened, given the circumstances. i'm not much of a fatalist, i guess. i just believe God can bring the best out of any difficult situation.
i can't imagine your wait while facing the troubling news- especially where you work.
and i have to agree, i think you have been so true to yourself. i know there are things you wish were different- the timing, maybe- and even not working in your field, i remember seeing my friends get referrals before me who started the process after. heck, one friend completed 2 china adoptions in the time it took me to do 1.
but now that i am here, and i've traveled to china and back, i am very, very grateful for our agency.
Happy 3 year LIDversary!!!!!
Love and blessings, Kristy
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